Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Nuh-Uh, Not Tonight, Mister

My personal life is kinda boiling over right now, making the fringes of my life sticky and burnt.  With school, illness, and various animal-related issues going on, I'm low on both patience and sleep.  But the LOL Hotel would prefer that you not let those traits on to customers.

What it means instead, is that the second you hang up the phone on me, I'm saying vile, horrible, un-repeatable things to the ceiling tiles.

Guy calls down at 2:30 AM.  This is normal when someone comes in late and wants a wakeup call - but no one has come in since I arrived for my shift.  I...I am nervous.  On the phone is an old man with a gravelly voice and a country accent.

"Front desk, this is Wednesday, how may I assist you?"
"Yes ma'am, you have a serious problem in this room.  The heater is on.  It's sumthin' like 84 degrees in here.  I woke up and it's just blowin'.  I get out from under the covers, and it's just, you have a serious problem in this room."

Now - we have two ways to adjust the temperature in these rooms, though I've never seen them personally.  There's the unit, which I think has a fan adjustment on it, and a thermostat on the wall, where you adjust the actual temperature.  So, logically, I ask:

"Have you tried adjusting both the actual unit and the wall thermostat?"
"I'm not stupid.  Now, I'm not stupid, you know."


"Well, Sir, would you like to-"
"You are going to have a serious problem in here!  I am not going to be able to sleep in here, it just keeps blowin'.  I'm about to come down and get in my truck and leave."

I'd like to avoid this, ONLY because early departure technically causes a 50% fee, for which I get A LOT of shit by angry, sleepy people who don't remember signing the registration card as it was explained OUT LOUD TO THEM.  It's no threat.  I don't get why guests think I'm somehow affected in any way by the hotel's income.  I'm really, really not.  I'm not in on some conspiracy.

I let him complete his sentence before attempting to ask if I can move him to a different room, but he hangs up on me before I get two words out.  Fearing an angry redneck might come down the elevator any moment now, I quickly check to make sure we have another room available near his current one, how long his stay was for, and call back up to his room.

"Sir, this is Wednesday at the front desk.  I'd like to move you to another room if possible, because I won't be able to get your heater fixed until the morning."  (TRUTH - Fail)
"There are people who are paid to come out at night to fix things, I don't care if you have to call someone, I'm not stupid.  You're going to have a serious problem in this room, it keeps blowin'.  It's going to be 100 degrees by morning, you're going to have a fire."  (A fire?  Seriously?)
"I can call my manager in just a moment to have him get it fixed up, but can I move you to a cooler room for the night?" (LIE - Success)
"Okay, what room."
"Let's see, we have one right next door to you, let me just make you a key."
"Okay, and you'll bring them up?"
"I can't do that Sir but I'll have them right here waiting for you at the front desk." (Seriously.  Policy.)
*Hangs up on me again*
*Vile words at ceiling tiles*

So I switch his room.  I make and label his keys.  I switch his current room to dirty and make a note to fix the heater.  I get a call back.

"Front desk, this is Wednesday, how may I assist you?"
"Yes, uh, the heater stopped."
"Yeah I'm not going to be moving.  I got all my stuff unpacked in here, and it's not blowin' anymore.  I'm just going to be stayin' in here."
"Okay Sir, well in the morning if you could come pick up new keys for the room then, because once I got you new ones it deactivated the ones for your current room."
*Hangs up*

I swear.  Just say goodbye, thank you, anything.  You just spent a good half hour of my time, while I'm sick and coughing my lungs out, blaming me in some tangential manner for whatever you did to the heater.  I bent over backwards...twice...and shut my big mouth (an epic feat) and the best you can pull off is hanging up on me?  I don't buy it.  I hope you're nicer when you're awake.

grumble grumble

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