Friday, September 24, 2010

Ooh, another one!

Okay, I haven't even given the other pretty lady a chance to post her introduction yet, but I've already got another story!  :D

Alright, so we all know that people in the middle of the night get weird.  I was told this, and outside of robbery or sexual harrassment I'm pretty much a "bring it on!" kinda gal.  Weird's good by me.

But weird is also hilarious, so let me share this quick tidbit.

A fellow just came by and parked his truck in the drive-thru thingy.  He hopped out, came inside, and very seriously asked me if we have adult rentals.  I had to ask him to repeat it before it hit me that he was asking if we had porn.  Now...I've never stayed at a hotel in my life that didn't offer porn on the tube.  $30/night motels have porn.  Any hotel with a television, has it to sell you porn.  I could have said why, sure we do!  But to be perfectly honest, I didn't want to check him in.

See, it was 4:45 AM.  I'd already done audit.  He was going to be in the hotel for what, 6, 7 hours?  Plus, walk-ins are a serious bitch here.  Plus, he was goddamned creepy and I didn't want to be around a fella paying $130 for a couple pornos just before the crack of freakin' dawn.  Nobody ever showed this guy how to use the internet?  

So what I said was, "I'm sorry, I don't have a program of what ppv we offer."

So he leaves.  And when I say he leaves, what I mean is, he drives his truck BACKWARDS down the entire parking lot (instead of driving forward which is obviously intended), goes to the hotel next door to us, and asks THEM if WE offer "adult rentals."  See?  Weird = hilarious.

They tell the creepy man that we do.  Creepy man returns, requests a room.  Remember how I said walk-ins were a serious pain here?  I connected him to a center in Europe and passed the phone over the counter.  Then I checked him in.  It was all I could do not to offer him lotion.

LOL Hotel - happy to help you jerk it.


Wednesday, September 22, 2010


Good morning and thank you for calling the LOL Hotel, my name is Wednesday, how may I assist you?

No really...hi!

This blog's about the sincerely weird stuff you run into working at a hotel - especially all alone at the night shift.  Everyone's got stories, and lots of them!  Mmkay.  About us!

I started working night audit at a hotel just recently.  I should almost certainly not say where.  I'd never worked in one before, so most of my stories are really, really recent.  I'm a n00b.  There be another fine lass co-writing this tale of weirdness and debauchery with me who be more experienced than I, but I'll let her write her own introduction.  She's bad-arse.

None of the names in this blog are real, though the stories most certainly are.  Some are funny, some are awful, and some are just freaky.

Today's little piece of story I bring to share with you involves the telephone.  (Duh duh duhhh!)  For the first few hours of my shift tonight, it was ringing off the hook.  Every few minutes I'd be up again to answer it, which involved making a couple of people wait on me - something I really hate to do.  In any case.  About half of these calls, really the majority toward the end of it, involved either complete silence or an odd beeping going off every one to two seconds.  Needless to say, it was frustrating.

Our phones have limited caller ID - you can tell if the call is coming from a specific room or outside the hotel.  Unfortunately, all outside calls appear the same, so there was NO way for me to tell when I was getting a legitimate call or a...ghost?  prank?  malfunction?  This meant that every single ring I had to run over and recite my exhaustive, rehearsed introduction only to be sometimes cut off by that damned beep.  Yup.  Good stuff.

*Ring ring ring*
"Good morning!
Thank you for calling the _____,
My name is _____,
How may I assist you?"

It mocked me, it really did.  It finally stopped around 3 am or so, thank goodness.  -.-

This has been your moment of Zen LOL.