Wednesday, June 29, 2011



Both sets of automatic doors just flew open at the exact same time and slid shut simultaneously. No one was around. No bugs, no stray cats, no people outside smoking. Both sets did it at the SAME TIME.


Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Aw...My Poor, Violated Paper.

Jeez...we have such an odd group in tonight.

So, a fella comes over, says "Mildred Topplehouse." No he doesn't. He says a real name. But he doesn't say anything before or after it, and looks at me, waiting expectantly. I'm confused. I ask him...what...he some kind of more-polite terms. "Can you connect me to Mildred Topplehouse?"

Gee...sure. Let me just transfer you right over. I mean, it isn't as if there was a guest phone around the corner, or even one in your room.

Just hang on a second, while I connect your call.

Same fella comes over a little bit later and, almost proudly, proclaims "McToodles!" But, you know, a real last name.

There is no one named McToodles in our system. Ah cannot a-transfah ya call.

Fella is outraged that no one is awake.

Couple minutes later, fella's friend comes over while on his cell phone and asks to borrow my pen. I'm trying to do credit card authorizations, and had just started writing out the list of room numbers, but I figure eh - just gonna grab another pen. It's a pen. So whaaat.

He does say thank you, to his credit, as he grabs my paper, too.

He brought me back the pen.

I needed that paper...

A little while later, a guy calls down asking about how to connect to our internet. This is a good, albeit complicated, question, since I can see on the phone that his room is near the elevator, which is the farthest you can possibly get from a router and still be inside the hotel. We place them at the ends of each hallway, so elevator rooms are sadly internet deficient.

Anyways, I walk the guy through how to connect, and he is very, very confused. It should be simple. Connect to any wifi signal with our hotel's name in it, open your browser window, and enter the password. Bam! Interneted. This guy is wondering if he should create some kind of profile...and it's confusing me, too. Finally we get him connected, and I tell him to open his browser. A long moment of silence passes. Eventually he says "okay, I'm coming down." *click*

Say whaaaa? I'm not IT. Y u come down to bother meeeee.

Actually, still haven't seen that guy. Must have figured it out. Meh.

Oh...and people who think they are funny. You know the ones. They happened tonight. They came in at 11:30 and started howling about how they caught me sleeping, I'd better stay awake! And then when they press floor 1 and the door closes and opens right back up again in the elevator, they take the opportunity to holler out and make sure I hadn't fallen right back asleep again! HAW HAW HAW.

I got here half an hour ago mothahfuckahs. YOU are going to sleep. I'm just gettin' this party started.

A guy just walked down the hall in a towel. There MIGHT have been shorts of some kind underneath...but I'm not positive. All I saw was a towel.

Then my eyes were burned out of my skull.

This is going to be an interesting night.

Saturday, June 25, 2011


So this woman comes stumblin' in with her two friends from New York, and they're promising each other they'll facebook each other and hang out in the future. One of them is flying to Houston, and drunk woman says:

"You gotta have Tax-max!! You haven't been to Houston unless you've eaten Tax-max outside. And have a margarita. You have to have Tax-max and a margarita outside in Houston!"


I could really go for some good ol' Tax-max.


Friday, June 17, 2011

It's a TRAP!

Hey there, new blogger! I've just joined Wednesday on night audit duties for the summer, and I have been delegated to write the humorous happenings of our place of business. But first, to introduce me - I'm a summer employee only, I think to the dismay of my other night crew (unless that's a huge delusion of grandeur). In September I leave for another country to waste more money on education. I hold two jobs to fund the non-starvation part of my trip - night auditor and bookstore clerk-person. What have I learned from this? People are strange and amusing on so many levels.

For example, a guest returns from a restaurant tonight, around 1am, in a taxi. Around the same time, our food for the evening (yes, we do that) was being delivered, so his comments about a bus not showing up were not seeping through the layers of distracted brain as they should. When said delivery boy/man, correct age unknown, was handled, the guest returned to the subject of the missed bus. Apparently, he asked for a pick-up from the restaurant and waited for a long period of time before getting a taxi instead.

Us: "When did you order the shuttle service? Because the bus doesn't operate at night."
Guest: "Well, I called the hotel, and they said they would send one over."

Us: "When did you call?"

Guest: "Around 15 minutes ago."

Us: "Oh. Um, we haven't had any calls. Our shuttle doesn't run at night."

Guest shrugged, confirmed his necessary arrangements for tomorrow, and returned to his room.

So, if you call our hotel for a shuttle at night and a van arrives to pick you up, don't get in it. That's not us. It's a trap.


Monday, June 6, 2011

Before They Get Their Coffee. And During. And After.

5 AM
"What time does breakfast start?"
"We serve breakfast from 6:30 to 9:30."
"...Wow."  *makes appalled face*

5:45 AM (phone call)
"Where are the ice machines?"
"On the first and third floor, at the end of the halls."
"Wow.  Sooo...nothing on my floor?"
"No ma'am..."
"Just wow.  Okay."  *click*

6:10 AM (to breakfast shift)
"Ummmm...there are coffee grounds in this.  Where's the coffee without grounds in it."
*Breakfast shift removes the coffee to make more.*
(To other wrinkly bimbo woman) "There shouldn't even be coffee grounds IN it.  That's ridiculous.  We're waiting for the real coffee."

Woohoo, we have some mighty posh guests in here this morning!  I wonder if they've ever made their own coffee in their life?  Do they think we have a coffee dinosaur in the back, vomiting up revolutionary coffees at the touch of a scale, grounds-less and state-of-the-art?  XD

To be perfectly fair, all of the other guests this morning have been darling.  :)