Caffeine Emergencies

When is it safe to stop chugging your end-of-shift, I'm-tired-as-hell-and-ready-to-go-home, emergency coffee?  When:

• You're certain your "smile" actually looks like a real smile to guests, and not a sleepy grimace involving only muscles in the lower half of your face.
• You're certain you even smiled.
• You can look at guests and coworkers and respond to seeing them in less than 3 seconds.
• You regain basic motor functions that don't relate to the cup or coffee machine.
• Thoughts cross your mind that don't involve the terms "bed," "sleeeeep," or swear words that aren't real (e.g. crap-monkeys, foopers, god-drangit).
• You have a heart attack.  You should probably put down the coffee if you have a heart attack.

-Wednesday