Wednesday, October 31, 2012

The Most Confusing Floor Plan

Ya know when something ridiculous happens, and you're so tired that it just gets you annoyed just to think about it...and then a few hours go by and you realize just how hilarious it actually is?

Yeah, that happened tonight.

I am crazy tired, but I am NOWHERE NEAR as out of it as this guy was...

So a fellow came in eh, around midnight or so, with a group of extremely intoxicated individuals.  From the elevator he hollers, "HEY.  HEY.  HEYYYY."  Until I finally look up.  Then he starts babbling something about the number of x's...I'm confused...but he goes up the elevator and I sit my tired butt back down.

Several minutes later he comes back down the elevator, wobbles out, heads for the doors, spots me, and does his best to re-plot the course toward the front desk.  When he finally docks with the counter, he asks me where he might be able to find room 333.

Okay, it isn't really room 333, I changed that, but I'm not sure why.  Eternal Darkness reference for the win.

I tell him, why, room 333 would be on the third floor.  Just take the elevator to floor three and follow the room numbers up until you spot 333.

He asks...333?  Yes sir, 333.  Just press 3 on the elevator and follow the room numbers up.  He repeats the room a few more times, then goes back up the elevator. should understand, that this is a really basic layout for a hotel.  It's not crazy at all.  Rooms that start with a 1 are on the first floor, a 2 on the second, and a 3 on the third.  Ta-da!  Each floor is linear - one side is 301, and it goes up as you go down the hallway.  Simple.  If you can read a room sign, you can find yours.

So it's, um, surprising when Donnie Drunko comes back down asking me if I was SURE that 333 was on the third floor, because he could not find it ANYWHERE.  He then hands me his key and goes, "This won't open the door."

"Oh, you found room 333?"

" won't open room 335 OR 305..."

"Yes, sir, that's because *points to key packet in his hand* you said you were in room 333.  I can re-key it for you right now."

I give him directions again, slowly, simply, and clearly, and he goes back upstairs to find his room.'s on the third floor.  Go left out the elevator.  Right after 331, before 335.  *sigh*

A few minutes later he comes down majorly pissed off and throws his key cards across the counter at me.  He says he is checking out because our hotel is too confusing and he never even found his room!  I check him out, and he comes back inside a few minutes later asking why he never got the receipt that he had JUST signed and gotten a copy of...  So I print him a new one out and he makes a big stink about paying for the room (this is at about 12:30 AM... he had checked in 4 hours earlier).  I see his car in the carport and ask if he (being extremely, extremely in too drunk to write...or you know...find a hotel room with a number posted by it in sequence) was planning on driving.  He quietly says no.  And then drives off.

Oh yeah.  That's safe.

Considering his buddies left for work around 4:30 AM or so, here's hoping he at least made it somewhere to sleep (or a cop helped him out with that part)...because he's not making it to work on time or in any kind of workin' shape.  Yipes.

Congratulations, sir, you are THE most intoxicated guest I have ever seen.  Your prize is one fuck of a hangover!