Just Turn Up the Heat.

Person comes down elevator...I think this is how all of my stories start.

Wait, let me try again.



Person arrives on a clinically insane giraffe, and asks for some sheets and a couple of towels. So I go grab them some. Then this happens:



"Wait, okay there are sheets here, but do you have one of those, uh, covers? Do you have any covers?"

"Sure, let me go grab you some." (I have to maneuver through a housekeeping maze to get the covers that go on top of sheets, but I manage it) "Here you go."

"No, that's like, how do I say this... I want covers. Like you pull up when it's cold? *makes a blanket motion up to chin* Like you cover up with when you are cold."

"A...blanket?"

"YES! A blanket."

"There should be one in the top of your closet-"

"No, I looked there. I did look."

"Okay, that's fine, let me go grab you one from the back." (I take the covers back and bring out a blanket, our only other bed-stuff we have besides pillows) "Here you are."

"Um, no... I guess I don't really know how to say this, we need a cover..."

"This is the only other sort of blanket we have, will it do?"

"..................I guess it's better than nothing."



I... have absolutely no idea what they had in mind. I am so confused. O_O

-Wednesday

Make That...One Million Waters!

A rather large group of drunk fellers start coming through the door, all from the same group but one at a time. One guy comes over, grabs a big water, and pulls out a ten. He sets the water on the counter and I pull out his change of $7.29 while he comments on how we must get a TON of drunk people buying these waters.

I didn't say anything about the water fountain right next to it, just smiled while I opened a new roll of pennies.

Another of his friends comes through the automatic doors, and the guy whose change I am holding hollers, "Hey! You want a water?"

"SURE!"

So I put part of the change back and count out $4.58 in change.

Then another small bunch of his buddies come in and again he shouts, "HEY! Water?!"

"Hell yes!"

"Okay, I've got it!"

"WAIT! You have to pay for it?!"



So I put the bills back and recount out $1.88. Lordy.

-Wednesday

So Charming

A woman comes in around 11:30 PM and heads up to her room. A few hours later, just past 4 in the morning, she comes back down looking kind of like she just survived the apocalypse. She asks if I have any tylenol. Nope. She grabs a water out of our case and goes,

"I'm taking this."
"Okay, that'll be-"
"I'm with the management company."
"Okay-"
"You can still put it on my room. (Manager) can adjust it back off tomorrow."
"Uh...okay...what room is it?"
"302"

Then she walked off. I went to post the water to her room, confused on whether or not I should be using an employee discount or not if it's just getting adjusted off by the greater hotel powers, and she doesn't have a card on file. Because it's a comped room.

And no one is going to ask her for a buck in cash when she leaves.

So...I can either post it and look like a weirdo when management has to go back and have another small task to do because of me, or I can not post it and look lazy when management is asked by post-apocalypse lady to go back in but sees it isn't even there to begin with.

I'm so glad to be a part of management company folks taking stuff and putting me in awkward positions. I'm a part of a beautiful fucking machine. Making beautiful fucking things happen.


And I paid $1.25 for my diet coke.

-Wednesday

I Think You Have Your Answer

A couple of guys just walked in, announced their room numbers and the time they wanted wake up calls for. One of them had to double check he'd said the right room. Then he triple checked, JUST in case he said the wrong one out loud again.

As they head off to the elevator, I hear:

"...Wait, why did we leave the bar? They aren't closed yet. What are we doing back at the hotel?! How did we get here?"


Ahem, that's a good night, right there.

-Wednesday

The Cake Was Not, in Fact, a Lie.

Someone came in at the start of my shift tonight with a great big birthday cake and shared with everyone. Now there is blue dye on everything. But seriously...free cake! Woooooh!

Wooooooooooh!





A little while later I had a kid ask me if I could serve half a cheesecake. I wasn't entirely sure if he meant half of a cake, or half of a slice.

He meant half a slice.

I told him...I could serve him a slice and he could eat half of it...

He was dissatisfied with that option.



Lastly (for now) - we just had a big group of people spill out of a cab, make it halfway through the doors, stop suddenly in their tracks and loudly announce...

"THIS. IS NOT THE RIGHT HOTEL. No. This isn't right."
"Yes it is, man, this is the LOL Hotel! This is us!"
"No. THIS DOESN'T FEEL RIGHT."

Poor cabbie...

-Wednesday

Too Drunk for His Shorts

I just got flashed drunken man-ass. Yup.

So I'm hangin' out in the lobby while a new employee is learning to spread his own wings in the solitary realm of night auditing, when this fellow, who has been upstairs a few hours, comes down the elevators. He walks very carefully to the front desk and asks trainee for a new key.

Because he locked his in the room. With his wallet. When he came downstairs for a new key.

Because he locked his in his room.

With...with his wallet...

And we don't give keys out without ID, so I'm waiting for trainee to impress that fact upon drunk man. But it's hard to look. Because drunk man is playing with the belt loops on his shorts. And tugging them down. And back up again. So that I am repeatedly flashed one half of this man's cheeks. The top half.

Drunk man has to sit and have a glass of water to remember his name, address, and anything else we can use to make sure he's going...back...to the correct room, and only the correct room.

He finally gets us enough details and flashes me enough plumber's booty that he makes it back up to his room. I am battling nausea like a pro.

My retinas.

My...my retinas...

-Wednesday

Bottle will self destruct in 5... 4... 3...

It's been an awesome night. Weird, but awesome.

I had 81 folios to deliver, so instead of bending over 81 times, I experimented with staying bent over and twirling down the hallway, inch-high-stack of papers in hand.

I have no shame.

Around two or three in the marnin', a fella came in, stuck a pipe in his mouth, and sat down to work on his computer. I was going to let him know the hotel was non-smoking before I realized... he wasn't smoking it.

He was just holding it. In his mouth. While surfin' the web. For an hour.

Hey, whatever lights ya pipe.

Lastly, around 6:30, a guy came down with his receipt in hand. I thought maybe he was going to check out, but he had a question instead. He pointed to his receipt and said he had bought a water yesterday, but didn't see the charge on his room.

I told him I'd fix it if he felt like paying us two bucks and change...but if he didn't remember talking to me, I didn't remember talking to him, either.

This big, mischevious grin spread across his face, he waved his hands a little and went, "this conversation...never happened."

People can be awesomely adorable. :)

-Wednesday