Too Drunk for His Shorts

I just got flashed drunken man-ass. Yup.

So I'm hangin' out in the lobby while a new employee is learning to spread his own wings in the solitary realm of night auditing, when this fellow, who has been upstairs a few hours, comes down the elevators. He walks very carefully to the front desk and asks trainee for a new key.

Because he locked his in the room. With his wallet. When he came downstairs for a new key.

Because he locked his in his room.

With...with his wallet...

And we don't give keys out without ID, so I'm waiting for trainee to impress that fact upon drunk man. But it's hard to look. Because drunk man is playing with the belt loops on his shorts. And tugging them down. And back up again. So that I am repeatedly flashed one half of this man's cheeks. The top half.

Drunk man has to sit and have a glass of water to remember his name, address, and anything else we can use to make sure he's going...back...to the correct room, and only the correct room.

He finally gets us enough details and flashes me enough plumber's booty that he makes it back up to his room. I am battling nausea like a pro.

My retinas.

My...my retinas...

-Wednesday