Sunday, December 4, 2011

Oh, You Make Me Feel Like Such a Success in Life, You Know That?

I keep meaning to make up a fake life story to tell curious guests (because my number one pet peeve is getting asked if I go to the local, huge college, followed closely by pitying me for working the night shift, tied with telling me to wake up) but I've just never gotten around to it. Well, that's not true - I've made up tons in my head, but they're all a little ridiculous. Like:

"Oh me? My birth parents mailed me by USPS to a circus, where I was raised juggling monkeys for my dinner. It sure was tough back then, but I'm so happy to be here now, where YES I DO happen to go to this college here in town that everyone under the age of 30 attends and everyone over that age is employed by. I mean, the apartment I live in doesn't really know about the monkeys yet, but I'll be graduating with five degrees come May and I just couldn't be happier!"

or maybe

"Do I go to school here? Why yes, yes I do. All five of my parents were alumni, too, before they all died of Tuberculosis last year. You've had a vaccine, haven't you? Because I'm kind of susceptible."

or perhaps

"Oh, I'm from here. I was born in this very building, actually! I have a slight fear of leaving, but my parents sure didn't! They travel the world and send me back suitcases of money, gold, and treasures every month. I spend it on cars, and then drive them around the parking lot. Or sometimes I spend it on really nice work clothes. I'm happy here - and I never want to leave here, and I'm definitely not a slave worker stolen at birth. Soda? Sure thing, that'll be $2.17."

Anyways. I should probably make something up one of these nights. And then stick to it. In any case, this conversation just happened with a meandering drunken fat man who wandered in a few minutes ago:

"Good evening! How are you doing tonight?"
"*Shrugs* You stuck workin' the late shift?"
"Oh, not stuck! I work it most nights, 11-7! (being cheerful)"
"Woah. That sucks."
"No, no, I like it."
"You go to school here? *Staring at my wedding ring*"
"Oh. I'm sorry."
"Well, it's none of my business. *Walks off* Well, good for you for workin'."

...What just happened? XD


No comments:

Post a Comment