Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Teenage Boys Should Not Exist

Somebody's mothers should have beat them upside the face with bars of soap. Seriously.

Four teenage guys come in and walk toward the elevator. A truly deafening stream of profanity gushes from their mouths until the doors close. They return a few minutes later and head toward our food and drink while one friend branches off and walks down the hallway.

Asshole #1: How much is a sandwich?
Me: $8.50 before tax.
Asshole #1: *Jaw drops* EIGHT FIFTY?! *turns to friends* EIGHT FUCKING FIFTY for a FUCKING SANDWICH.
Me: We make them personally - they don't come pre-made.
Asshole #2: *saunters up to counter* Are the sandwiches REALLY $8.50?
Me: Yes...we make them here... *shows menu*
Asshole #2: EIGHT FIFTY. Jesus fucking Christ.
Me: Yes. $8.50.
Asshole #3: Can I buy this drink?
Me: I can only take in cash at the moment, is that alright? (I was running close day) It's $2.17
*Asshole #1 & 2 are still bickering about the sandwich and staring in awe at the menu*
Asshole #3: Yeah, that's fine. *Pays $2.25* Keep the change.
Me: Thank you...
Asshole #1: Is there like...a dollar menu? HUR HUR HUR HUR!
Asshole #2: HUR HUR HUR HUR HUR. #*^$*#$*#*^%!@
Me: No.
Asshole #1: Look, bro, fuckin' appetizers! I didn't think of appetizers. (wtf?)
Asshole #2: Oh, bro, you can get a fuckin' 8 inch pizza for 8 bucks!
Asshole #1: 8 inches for 8 dollars?
Asshole #1: HUR HUR HUR HUR HUR. &^%!$*%@$#%$^%!
Asshole #4: *Returns from down hallway* BRO! THERE'S NO ONE IN THE POOL!!!
Me: *mentally - The fuckin' pool fuckin' closes at fuckin' 10 o' fuckin' clock fuckers*

*All go off to play in the pool*

Ya know, at least I got a TON of free food today because sorority girls didn't eat everything they ordered. Yeah, I could throw it away...or I could eat for a week. Jeez. Was I this awful five years ago?

(Has had enough of people under 30 years of mental age for this week. Form line at door and shut mouths.)

(Then again...the guy who just complained to me about our lack of vending machines, lack of ice machines on every single floor, and cost of our WATER BOTTLES had to have been at least 40.)

(Just fuck all you guests who can't behave like normal human beings in public.)

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