Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Burnt Cookies

Actually, "Burnt Cookies" is the name of a webcomic I sincerely, desperately wished I'd gotten around to.  Of all the things ADD has allowed me to start, and that I've dropped the ball on finishing, that one's the worst.  The writer was awesome and the storyline and boards rocked, I just never took anything beyond a sketch.  Saaaad.  But that's not what this is about.

Actually, I just burned a cookie.

Normally our cookies are our very bestest thing here.  They're heaven.  Scrumptious.  Today, though, when I came into work our cookies were replaced by...lumps...of things that might be called some other dimension.

They looked like oatmeal, possibly?  I had to try one, because I needed to know what to tell people when they asked what kind of cookie they were.  Plus there were tons of them anyways.  So I tried one, but it was cold.  So I microwaved it.

30 seconds is safe, right?

Everything certainly sounded like it was safe...the microwave beeped, and I opened it, prepared to cautiously touch a potentially hot molten "cookie."


I disappear like a magician in a cloud of smoke.  I peer up through the haze and see a smoke detector on the wall.  Crap!  I try to fan the door, but the door won't budge.  What's it stuck on?  NO TIME!  I start running maniacally back and forth through the doorway trying to fan the smoke out of the room and disperse it.  It smells like burned peanut butter and poo.


I still haven't gotten my damned cookie, having had to close the door to the microwave quickly to seal in the smoke.  I make the foolish, rookie mistake of trying to open it fast enough to grab my treat.  I NEED to see if it's a charcoal brick or not.  Call it Science.

This releases another giant puff of smoke, so I resort to breathing in deeply, running to the hallway and blowing out, lather-rinse-repeat.  In the midst of hyperventilating, I remember my cookie, make one last attempt at grabbing it and, noting that the world hasn't ended yet, retreat to the lobby to enjoy it.

Oddly enough, only the VERY CENTER of the cookie is burned.  The outsides, top, and bottom are fine, though they do NOT taste like deliciousness.  They taste like peanut butter and possibly nuts.

No fire alarms, just massive cookie-disappointment.

Fuck you, cookie.

P.S. - What do you do when you have to answer the ringing phone, but you have to sneeze REALLY bad?  ...You talk in a funny voice, that's what.  -.-

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