Just Wear Your Birthday Suit

Hope everyone's having a great December!  It's flying by for me.

So for the most part it's quiet here at the LOL Hotel.  Nothing has really been happening since Thanksgiving.  Tonight, though, a man called down to the front desk to ask me where he could buy a suit.  Here's about how it went:

Me:  Front desk, this is Wednesday, how may I assist you?

Dude: Hi Wednesday.  I made a terrible mistake and left my business suit in (city four hours away).  Would you happen to know where the nearest place would be to buy a suit?

Okay, now at this point I need to explain something.  It starts out a reasonable request, but there is a severe distance in worlds here, and I believe he sensed it by the end of the conversation.  It took me about 2 seconds to notice.  You see, I get my business attire second hand or at the least expensive place I can find it.  I am a poor lady.  I am an EXTREMELY poor lady.  I have never really been well off, and I've never set foot in a store selling suits to men.  So far from my radar is the matter of suit stores, I have no idea whether or not they exist in this town, or what they might be called, or when in the world they might open.  No clue.  None at all.

Me:  Does it need to be a full-out suit store, or would something like W*lmart or T*rget work?

Dude: Wellll, I try to avoid W*lmart when possible.  See, I need something that will be open before 9 or so.  (good luck, buddy)

Me:  I know there's a Target down Blah, but I'm not really sure what else would be open that early.

Dude: (whose tone is beginning to grow impatient) Do you have a (store name meaningless to me) or a (also meaningless)?

Me:  I'm honestly not sure, let me take a look (google to the rescue!)
Dude: Well, I suppose I could look, too (yeah, you could.  but you won't)

Me:  I don't see either of those...

Dude:  Well, where would you go to buy something for your boyfriends, Wednesday?

Raise your hand if you think that question is rude!  But maybe he didn't mean it in a rude way, maybe he just wants a suit and doesn't want to use the internet by himself, even though the employee very obviously can not help.

Me:  My boyfriend isn't really the suit wearing type, sir.  I'm really not certain.  Do you want directions to Target?  (No, seriously, he isn't.  Nerds are immune to suits and do not want ties as gifts.)
Dude: Well, I'm not old, you know, I'm only 31, I still have plenty of life in me.  (What?)  Where do the cool kids go?

Raise your hand if you thought THAT was rude!

Me:  I'm sorry, sir, I really don't know-

Dude: Oh Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday...

Oh shit.  I know that voice, and I know that demeaning tone.  I'm about 90% certain the caller is the d-bag who drunkenly chewed me out a month or two ago for not being able to pull a reservation out of my ass.  It all flooded back.  The condescending repetition of my name, the nonstop questioning of my experience and personal capabilities, the insinuation that I might be a 2-dimensional idiot going nowhere in life ripe to be stepped on and spoken down to...

Dude: Wednesday, Wednesday, surely you must know some place.

Me:  I'm sorry, sir, I can give you directions to Target.  (I can't pull a business suit store out of my ass any more than I could a reservation password)

Dude: Well, goodnight then I guess.

He calls back two minutes later while I'm juggling a guy who needs a new key, a check-in, and a man who wants a cinnamon roll with icing (it only becomes busy in clumps), to ask me if there was a Macy's in the mall.

I can count the number of times I've been to this mall on my fingers and toes.  I can count the number of times I've been to a Macy's on one hand.  I don't know, but I go with "yes" and move on with my life.



That really wasn't an epic story or anything, it just irked me.  That conversation went on minutes past when it should have.  If I don't have an answer for you, and you're too lazy to problem solve one out for yourself, keeping me on the phone isn't going to make me pull a solution out of a hat.  I'm truly not hiding the answer from you, waiting for you ask a certain number of times or ways.

I guess I should read up on the local shops so I know what to tell people.  Usually they just ask for a pharmacy, grocery store, food joints, or bars - and I know where all of those are.

Gah.  I can't shake him repeating my name over, and over, and over.

-Wednesday
(who is only poised when you're looking)