So. BORED.

I left both my computer cord and my crocheting at home.

I filled the first two hours of work with work outrages, printing emails and attachments that I can't at home, and guests who pronounce "you" as "yew" and "hello" as "hah-looow??"  I spent about five minutes reading the printouts before I got bored of them and made a pretty stack of them instead.  Then I decided the stack was much too neat and the world needed a little chaos, so I threw them around the counter instead.

I pulled out the pregnancy books I've been meaning to read but haven't yet.  I apparently missed the last two months of pregnancy information.

Man, I sure hope I did it right...?

I got tired of the books and focusing my eyes in general about ten minutes in and decorated the stack of emails with them.  Much better.

I rode our exercise bike for 2.5 minutes before I decided that exercise was for wussies and if I was gone from the desk for longer thant 2.5 minutes I might miss something REALLY EXCITING.

I do not seem to have missed anything.

I eat pancakes.

I buy a soda.

The machine eats 10 cents.  I go to get my dime out of our stash of coins to give as refunds when such things happen.  Our stash is depleted.  I curse the soda machine gods.

I look up at the clock...4:30, YES!  Shit, no, I just suck at reading time.  3:30.  UGGGHHHHH.

I got on our guest computers and surfed, wrote a few emails, networked a bit, and checked my facebook.  I cautiously peeked through tumblr before deciding that the world is coming to an end if all people can post pictures of is duckfaces, pink hair, porn, and pictures of your legs in the bathtub.  I closed tumblr because I am A PROFESSIONAL AT WORK (ahuh).  I peeked in on twitter before deciding that I should follow more nocturnal folks.  A look at the clock.  3:40.

God.

Dammit.

I SIT ON THE COUCHES.  Nothing to do.  I play games on my phone.  I eat an apple.  I realize that my tenses during this entire post have been inconsistent.  I decide that if some omnipotent god really wanted/wants me to write properly he wouldn't have invented Blogger.  Also I don't need rules.  I live in anarchy, bitches.

I spend a little while writing this, examining my shoes, playing music from youtube on aforementioned guest computer, thinking about fishing, googling for pictures of people with boards on their heads, updating my google calendar with all the stuff I plan to do some other day, and reading some dude's blog.

I look down at the computer's clock.

5:55!!  ALRIGHT!  COWABUNGA DUDE!

Wait, that can't be right, our newspapers aren't even here yet.

*Checks phone*

Crap.  Nobody adjusted this thing for daylight savings time.  It's really 4:55.

Whatever, close enough.  I'm going to go put out breakfast REALLY SLOWLY and possibly build something out of apples, coffee filters, and plastic cups.

-Wednesday

But I Don't Know HOW to Work a Thermostat!

It's graduation weekend, apparently.

Meaning I have not just a hotel full of drunken oil field workers that I always have, but also a hotel full of angry, self-entitled parents.

Why are they angry?  I don't know.

Maybe their kids were art majors.

In any case, a woman just came down asking for a couple of extra blankets.  As I have learned from brutal experience, people always mean the thick blankets, not sheets or comforters (which were blankets when I was a kid, yeesh).  I checked housekeeping and, no surprise, we have given all our blankets AND comforters away, and most of the sheets to boot.  I grabbed one of the remaining sets of sheets and brought it to the front.

I apologized that we had given them all away, and offered her the sheets instead.  She made a face and said, "I HAVE sheets!  I need BLANKETS!  It's for the couch, it's too cold!"

I told her, "There are no blankets."

She huffed and walked off before I could even recommend she check the closet or under the television (where we store a spare in each room).

What exactly did she expect?

"Oh, I'm sorry, I'll go take one off another guest RIGHT NOW!"

or maybe:

"Oh, you know what?  I actually brought my crochet hook with me this evening.  Let me just make you one real quick."

-Wednesday

The Most Confusing Floor Plan

Ya know when something ridiculous happens, and you're so tired that it just gets you annoyed just to think about it...and then a few hours go by and you realize just how hilarious it actually is?

Yeah, that happened tonight.

I am crazy tired, but I am NOWHERE NEAR as out of it as this guy was...



So a fellow came in eh, around midnight or so, with a group of extremely intoxicated individuals.  From the elevator he hollers, "HEY.  HEY.  HEYYYY."  Until I finally look up.  Then he starts babbling something about the number of x's...I'm confused...but he goes up the elevator and I sit my tired butt back down.

Several minutes later he comes back down the elevator, wobbles out, heads for the doors, spots me, and does his best to re-plot the course toward the front desk.  When he finally docks with the counter, he asks me where he might be able to find room 333.

Okay, it isn't really room 333, I changed that, but I'm not sure why.  Eternal Darkness reference for the win.

I tell him, why, room 333 would be on the third floor.  Just take the elevator to floor three and follow the room numbers up until you spot 333.

He asks...333?  Yes sir, 333.  Just press 3 on the elevator and follow the room numbers up.  He repeats the room a few more times, then goes back up the elevator.

Now...you should understand, that this is a really basic layout for a hotel.  It's not crazy at all.  Rooms that start with a 1 are on the first floor, a 2 on the second, and a 3 on the third.  Ta-da!  Each floor is linear - one side is 301, and it goes up as you go down the hallway.  Simple.  If you can read a room sign, you can find yours.

So it's, um, surprising when Donnie Drunko comes back down asking me if I was SURE that 333 was on the third floor, because he could not find it ANYWHERE.  He then hands me his key and goes, "This won't open the door."

"Oh, you found room 333?"

"Well...it won't open room 335 OR 305..."

"Yes, sir, that's because *points to key packet in his hand* you said you were in room 333.  I can re-key it for you right now."

I give him directions again, slowly, simply, and clearly, and he goes back upstairs to find his room.  Guys...it's on the third floor.  Go left out the elevator.  Right after 331, before 335.  *sigh*

A few minutes later he comes down majorly pissed off and throws his key cards across the counter at me.  He says he is checking out because our hotel is too confusing and he never even found his room!  I check him out, and he comes back inside a few minutes later asking why he never got the receipt that he had JUST signed and gotten a copy of...  So I print him a new one out and he makes a big stink about paying for the room (this is at about 12:30 AM... he had checked in 4 hours earlier).  I see his car in the carport and ask if he (being extremely, extremely intoxicated...as in too drunk to write...or you know...find a hotel room with a number posted by it in sequence) was planning on driving.  He quietly says no.  And then drives off.

Oh yeah.  That's safe.

Considering his buddies left for work around 4:30 AM or so, here's hoping he at least made it somewhere to sleep (or a cop helped him out with that part)...because he's not making it to work on time or in any kind of workin' shape.  Yipes.

Congratulations, sir, you are THE most intoxicated guest I have ever seen.  Your prize is one fuck of a hangover!


-Wednesday

(P.S. - HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!)

It's That Special Time of the Year...

...When the students come back to town.

You know it from the congested roadways and pile-ups, the once-dead-suddenly-hopping bar zone o' town, the busy book stores with tents out front...  You just know it.

And if you've been out of school for anywhere from 1-50 years and you live near a college...you dread it.

I KNOW students are people.  I was one once.  I KNOW we shouldn't hate on them universally, or judge them, or wish they and their parents would drive the fucking speed limit or get the fuck off the road.

But still...


A student just walked in the front doors of the hotel, went into the elevator with her father, and asked him:

"Floor One or Two?"


-Wednesday.

Things Said to Me in the Past 7 Hours.

In chronological order:


1.  An 18 year old, putting drinks on his parent's room, called me baby.  *eyebrow twitch*

2.  A girl comes down and asks if I can please have housekeeping change her pillowcases in the morning, because she had pink eye.  ...ew.

3.  The newspaper guy comes in, huffing about, and slams the papers down on the counter.  He shoves his finger at the front page and says, defiantly, "That IS what we are!  We're FED UP!" and then stormed off.  The article was about apathetic voters not going to the polls.

4.  A fellow came in at 4 in the morning and says, "I need a wakeup in room 400!"
"Okay, sir, what time?"
"Well, what time is it?  FOUR!  Give me one for 7:30."
"...Akay..."

5.  About an hour later he calls down, right after all of the hotel TVs go out, and says:
"Did I wake ya?  HAHA!"
"...What can I do for you, sir?"
"My TV isn't working." (You were just complaining about the time and your early wake-up call... GO TO BED! )
"Yes, sir, our TVs are out and we won't be able to fix it until the morning."
"Okay, well, you work on that sweetheart."  *eyebrow twitch.*

6.   Another fellow calls down twice in a row.  The first time, he reports that his room phone still has a problem.  I never knew it was broken, so I tell him I'll follow up and make sure someone addresses it.  The second time he says:
"Do you want to make the next guest's stay better than mine?"
"...What can I do for you, sir?"
"There is one dead cockroach and...one dead cricket in my bathroom light fixture."
"...I'll let housekeeping know, sir, thank you."

7.  The girl from the hotel next door informs a guy he can use our pool.  I guess she didn't want him swimming laps in her hotel at 6 AM.  He walks over and asks,
"Are you front desk?"
"Yes, sir, what can I do for you?"  (I'm setting out breakfast)
"The hotel next door said I could use your pool.  What are its hours?"
"10-10, but as long as you are quiet I have no problem with you using it now."
"Okay, are there towels by the pool?"
"Yes sir, there should be, but if not just come let me know and I'll get you some to take back out."
"Okay...I will use it now."
"Okay!"
"So...can I have some towels?"
"Um...there might be some out there-"
"I already looked." (Wh...why did you ask me then?)
"Er, okay, let me grab you some..."

8.  A fellow who has watched me set out breakfast and return to the desk asked me for a phone book, and I started looking through drawers to try and remember where this hotel keeps theirs.  He then promptly translates the entire phrase to Spanish, which I know enough of to pick up when people are speaking it in a tex-mex drawl.  He then interrupts my search with Senora, Senora, Senora... So I look up.  So then he starts telling me it's not a problem, not to worry about it - again, first in English, then in Spanish.  He translates each phrase until I say okay, and he wanders off again.  The fuck?


-Wednesday

Poor Kid

We had two check-ins left tonight when I got here, and both had the same last name.  It's about 15 minutes into the shift when a fella comes in to check in the first.  He gives his last name, so I ask him if he was Jim or Zachary, and he says:

"Jim.  Zachary was a mistake.  Well...  um...  Zachary wasn't a MISTAKE...  but he isn't coming tonight..."

Glad to know Zachary was well-planned-for...  :p

-Wednesday

Just Turn Up the Heat.

Person comes down elevator...I think this is how all of my stories start.

Wait, let me try again.



Person arrives on a clinically insane giraffe, and asks for some sheets and a couple of towels. So I go grab them some. Then this happens:



"Wait, okay there are sheets here, but do you have one of those, uh, covers? Do you have any covers?"

"Sure, let me go grab you some." (I have to maneuver through a housekeeping maze to get the covers that go on top of sheets, but I manage it) "Here you go."

"No, that's like, how do I say this... I want covers. Like you pull up when it's cold? *makes a blanket motion up to chin* Like you cover up with when you are cold."

"A...blanket?"

"YES! A blanket."

"There should be one in the top of your closet-"

"No, I looked there. I did look."

"Okay, that's fine, let me go grab you one from the back." (I take the covers back and bring out a blanket, our only other bed-stuff we have besides pillows) "Here you are."

"Um, no... I guess I don't really know how to say this, we need a cover..."

"This is the only other sort of blanket we have, will it do?"

"..................I guess it's better than nothing."



I... have absolutely no idea what they had in mind. I am so confused. O_O

-Wednesday

Make That...One Million Waters!

A rather large group of drunk fellers start coming through the door, all from the same group but one at a time. One guy comes over, grabs a big water, and pulls out a ten. He sets the water on the counter and I pull out his change of $7.29 while he comments on how we must get a TON of drunk people buying these waters.

I didn't say anything about the water fountain right next to it, just smiled while I opened a new roll of pennies.

Another of his friends comes through the automatic doors, and the guy whose change I am holding hollers, "Hey! You want a water?"

"SURE!"

So I put part of the change back and count out $4.58 in change.

Then another small bunch of his buddies come in and again he shouts, "HEY! Water?!"

"Hell yes!"

"Okay, I've got it!"

"WAIT! You have to pay for it?!"



So I put the bills back and recount out $1.88. Lordy.

-Wednesday

So Charming

A woman comes in around 11:30 PM and heads up to her room. A few hours later, just past 4 in the morning, she comes back down looking kind of like she just survived the apocalypse. She asks if I have any tylenol. Nope. She grabs a water out of our case and goes,

"I'm taking this."
"Okay, that'll be-"
"I'm with the management company."
"Okay-"
"You can still put it on my room. (Manager) can adjust it back off tomorrow."
"Uh...okay...what room is it?"
"302"

Then she walked off. I went to post the water to her room, confused on whether or not I should be using an employee discount or not if it's just getting adjusted off by the greater hotel powers, and she doesn't have a card on file. Because it's a comped room.

And no one is going to ask her for a buck in cash when she leaves.

So...I can either post it and look like a weirdo when management has to go back and have another small task to do because of me, or I can not post it and look lazy when management is asked by post-apocalypse lady to go back in but sees it isn't even there to begin with.

I'm so glad to be a part of management company folks taking stuff and putting me in awkward positions. I'm a part of a beautiful fucking machine. Making beautiful fucking things happen.


And I paid $1.25 for my diet coke.

-Wednesday

I Think You Have Your Answer

A couple of guys just walked in, announced their room numbers and the time they wanted wake up calls for. One of them had to double check he'd said the right room. Then he triple checked, JUST in case he said the wrong one out loud again.

As they head off to the elevator, I hear:

"...Wait, why did we leave the bar? They aren't closed yet. What are we doing back at the hotel?! How did we get here?"


Ahem, that's a good night, right there.

-Wednesday

The Cake Was Not, in Fact, a Lie.

Someone came in at the start of my shift tonight with a great big birthday cake and shared with everyone. Now there is blue dye on everything. But seriously...free cake! Woooooh!

Wooooooooooh!





A little while later I had a kid ask me if I could serve half a cheesecake. I wasn't entirely sure if he meant half of a cake, or half of a slice.

He meant half a slice.

I told him...I could serve him a slice and he could eat half of it...

He was dissatisfied with that option.



Lastly (for now) - we just had a big group of people spill out of a cab, make it halfway through the doors, stop suddenly in their tracks and loudly announce...

"THIS. IS NOT THE RIGHT HOTEL. No. This isn't right."
"Yes it is, man, this is the LOL Hotel! This is us!"
"No. THIS DOESN'T FEEL RIGHT."

Poor cabbie...

-Wednesday

Too Drunk for His Shorts

I just got flashed drunken man-ass. Yup.

So I'm hangin' out in the lobby while a new employee is learning to spread his own wings in the solitary realm of night auditing, when this fellow, who has been upstairs a few hours, comes down the elevators. He walks very carefully to the front desk and asks trainee for a new key.

Because he locked his in the room. With his wallet. When he came downstairs for a new key.

Because he locked his in his room.

With...with his wallet...

And we don't give keys out without ID, so I'm waiting for trainee to impress that fact upon drunk man. But it's hard to look. Because drunk man is playing with the belt loops on his shorts. And tugging them down. And back up again. So that I am repeatedly flashed one half of this man's cheeks. The top half.

Drunk man has to sit and have a glass of water to remember his name, address, and anything else we can use to make sure he's going...back...to the correct room, and only the correct room.

He finally gets us enough details and flashes me enough plumber's booty that he makes it back up to his room. I am battling nausea like a pro.

My retinas.

My...my retinas...

-Wednesday

Bottle will self destruct in 5... 4... 3...

It's been an awesome night. Weird, but awesome.

I had 81 folios to deliver, so instead of bending over 81 times, I experimented with staying bent over and twirling down the hallway, inch-high-stack of papers in hand.

I have no shame.

Around two or three in the marnin', a fella came in, stuck a pipe in his mouth, and sat down to work on his computer. I was going to let him know the hotel was non-smoking before I realized... he wasn't smoking it.

He was just holding it. In his mouth. While surfin' the web. For an hour.

Hey, whatever lights ya pipe.

Lastly, around 6:30, a guy came down with his receipt in hand. I thought maybe he was going to check out, but he had a question instead. He pointed to his receipt and said he had bought a water yesterday, but didn't see the charge on his room.

I told him I'd fix it if he felt like paying us two bucks and change...but if he didn't remember talking to me, I didn't remember talking to him, either.

This big, mischevious grin spread across his face, he waved his hands a little and went, "this conversation...never happened."

People can be awesomely adorable. :)

-Wednesday

Elevator Says Nope

A group of college kids just walked in, two fellas and a girl. The girl had a very tall bump of hair on top of her head and was complaining about how cold our lobby was.

They get to the elevators and the door on the first one closes. The girl shouts "Quick, just stick your hand in it!"

The guy thinks better of it and chooses the other elevator. I figure the first had probably been called to a higher floor, but as soon as the other one with the kids goes on up...

It opens back up, ready for business.

Take that, cold girl with silly hair.

-Wednesday

Burn off those calories before you eat 'em

Hey, guess what! I started working at a property next door, too. This one has vending machines. I'm just still new, so I don't quite have the property's layout memorized just yet. At least, not the vending machines...

So this fella calls down asking if we have vending machines. Yep. I'm not sure, though, if there are any on his floor, but I do tell him that he can check the end of the hallway, and that there are definitely machines on the first and third floors.

A few minutes later he comes through our front doors scowling at me.

"I just checked the third floor, and all it has is a coke machine!"
"Oh, I'm sorry about that, and the second floor was no luck either?" (You wanted...snacks...I'm guessing.)
"I didn't check it, you said it didn't have any! And the stairs don't let you get back into the second floor, and there's no door to the first, so I had to go outside just to get back to my room!"
That sucks, but...but it certainly sounds like the third floor door works just fine...could've taken the elevator, seeing as how it's raining outside?
"I'm sorry sir. There are some vending machines with snacks just around this corner."

He stood back there for about five minutes before picking something and taking a different set of stairs up to the second floor again, waving his munchies at me and saying something about snacks.


Hey, at least he worked off a little of that snack. Hopefully chocolate will calm the angry beast.

-Wednesday

Wooh. Sorry So Long!

I know I've been gone for a little while, and I'm sorry. A lot's been going down in my personal life, so I haven't had much patience for work, writing, or doing pretty much anything but those things which consume my personal life completely.

BUUUTTTT (haha, butts) I'm back! A lot of funny stuff has been happening that I haven't blogged about, but I can't remember it right now, because xanax is funny that way. So, short blog tonight, and funnier ones in the...FUUUUUUTURE! OooOOOOoooooOooooo...


Everyone's favorite drunkies just came in from you know, drinkin'. Actually I have no clue who they were but the drinking part was spot on. Anyhoo!

They order themselves some waters and snacks, and decide to set wake up calls. Mostly sober fellow requests a 6:45 AM call for his room, and asks if his friend wants one.

Sober: Hey man, you want a wake up call, too?
Drunkie: No, I'm okay over here, I have a muffin. A DELICIOUS MUFFIN.
Sober: Give him one for 6:45, too.
Drunkie: No, NO! Muffin.
Me: Worst that can happen is he hangs up on it, right?
Sober: Exactly.
Drunkie: ...Muffin...

I already like these fellas.



I also found the perfect picture to describe every single hotel guest between the hours of 5 and 8 AM:


See yous guys soon. :)
-Wednesday


P.S. - ...Why do cars keep pulling up and parking in the carport for an hour or two, then... just leaving...? O_o

This Was Going to Be a Tweet, but It Just Kept Coming (That's What She Said)

A couple of guys come in around 2 or 3 AM. One is tall, dark, and sober, and the other is short, stocky, and staring like there's two of everything but he knows exactly which ones to keep his eye on as long as he doesn't look away.

In this case, he picked the correct me to stare intently at for the duration of making the sober fellow a new key.

They both head up the elevator.

A little while later, Drunky McStaresalot comes back down the elevator and tells me his internet isn't working, and was that usual? I asked if his room was near the elevators, and he confirms it is, and I figure it's a connection problem because those rooms are the furthest from our routers.

I dig him out an ethernet cable.

"Ethernet cable. Ethernet. Ethernet. Cable. And I just plug this into the TV? Hardline."
"I'm not actually sure where the connection is, but it should be in that area, and it'll look a little like a phone jack."
"Ethernet cable. Okay. Ethernet."
"When you check out you can just leave that in the room, or bring it on down to us, either way."
"Okay. I'll do both."

Ten minutes later he comes down the elevator again.

"What's...the wifi."
"You need the password?"
"Yeah, what's the wifi."
"It's 123."
"123. It's 123? Okay. 123."
"Yep! 123."
"Okay....123."

Few minutes later he calls down. Keep in mind, he's never actually introduced himself and I have no idea what his name really is.

"Front desk, this is Wednesday, how may I assist you?"
"Hey. This is Mark." (Long pause)
"...Hi Mark. What can I do for you?"
"Well I'm trying to get the internet to work, and it's not working. Is that unusual?"
"What happens when you open your browser window?"
"Well I don't know. I don't know. I...*unintelligible* I don't know."
"Do you see the LOL Hotel logo?"
"Yeah, yeah. I mean it isn't working, it just redirects everything to the logo."
"And underneath that logo do you see a box?"
"...Yes."
"Just type in that box '123' and then press enter, and it should work fine for you from then on."
"Just put in...123?"
"Yes sir."
"Okay. 123. Bye."

Few minutes later.

"Front desk, this is-"
"Heyyy, this is Mark again. Every time, each time I open the browser window, it asks for a username and password. Is that unusual?"
"Are you still seeing the logo, or are you loading different pages asking for passwords?"
*Completely unintelligible*
"If you try the ethernet cable, you shouldn't need the password at all. Maybe try that?"
"It's, yeah, it's using the ethernet, it's full-blown wireless."

At this point I'm tired of this, and really don't want to explain to someone that intoxicated that he needs to USE the ethernet cable and not use wireless while just plugged IN to the ethernet, if he even was using it to begin with... but then the conversation goes in a whole other direction.

"What are you doing right now. Are you busy."
"I'm about to do some work, yes sir. I'll be busy for a couple of hours." (Read - don't bother me more after this)
"So you're about to haul ass?"
"What?"
"You're leaving?"
"...No, I'm here until 7. I'm just about to be busy for a couple of hours is all."
"Is anyone down there? Down there with you?"
"...No...just me..."
"What's your major."
"What?"
"What are you majoring in."
"I'm not IN college." (at the moment, but none of his beeswax?)
"What are you doing with your life."
"IsthereanythingelseIcanhelpyouwith?"
"Oh, sorry, my bad. Thank you."
"No problem, sir, good night."



*sigh*

-Wednesday

Oh, You Make Me Feel Like Such a Success in Life, You Know That?

I keep meaning to make up a fake life story to tell curious guests (because my number one pet peeve is getting asked if I go to the local, huge college, followed closely by pitying me for working the night shift, tied with telling me to wake up) but I've just never gotten around to it. Well, that's not true - I've made up tons in my head, but they're all a little ridiculous. Like:

"Oh me? My birth parents mailed me by USPS to a circus, where I was raised juggling monkeys for my dinner. It sure was tough back then, but I'm so happy to be here now, where YES I DO happen to go to this college here in town that everyone under the age of 30 attends and everyone over that age is employed by. I mean, the apartment I live in doesn't really know about the monkeys yet, but I'll be graduating with five degrees come May and I just couldn't be happier!"

or maybe

"Do I go to school here? Why yes, yes I do. All five of my parents were alumni, too, before they all died of Tuberculosis last year. You've had a vaccine, haven't you? Because I'm kind of susceptible."

or perhaps

"Oh, I'm from here. I was born in this very building, actually! I have a slight fear of leaving, but my parents sure didn't! They travel the world and send me back suitcases of money, gold, and treasures every month. I spend it on cars, and then drive them around the parking lot. Or sometimes I spend it on really nice work clothes. I'm happy here - and I never want to leave here, and I'm definitely not a slave worker stolen at birth. Soda? Sure thing, that'll be $2.17."



Anyways. I should probably make something up one of these nights. And then stick to it. In any case, this conversation just happened with a meandering drunken fat man who wandered in a few minutes ago:

"Good evening! How are you doing tonight?"
"*Shrugs* You stuck workin' the late shift?"
"Oh, not stuck! I work it most nights, 11-7! (being cheerful)"
"Woah. That sucks."
"No, no, I like it."
"You go to school here? *Staring at my wedding ring*"
"Nope."
"Oh. I'm sorry."
"...?"
"Well, it's none of my business. *Walks off* Well, good for you for workin'."


...What just happened? XD

-Wednesday

Been a long time, been a long time, been a long lonely lonely lonely lonelyyyy tiiiime

Since we had a TGIF post!

Tonight, we have a tale of karma being a drained and tainted bitchdog. I don't even know what I did, but it had to have been something epic.

Or you know, maybe just because it's Friday, and everything happens on Fridays.

Anyways!


First I come in and the volume is turned up on our lobby television. This is a gigantic no-no, from the a much higher level. There was quite a crowd around the tv, though, so I gave them ten or fifteen minutes into my shift before I turned on captions and the volume off. Immediately, you know there was uproar and calls of bullshit. The last shift was still there as I sorted through their strange handling of the fact that we were overbooked by seven rooms, and they both raised their hands in the air and told me the AGM had told them to turn the volume on for sporting events.

Let me explain. The AGM is not above corporate on the ladder of decision making, but he fully believes he is. Shocker, right? At night I am liable though, so whether he thinks he's the boss of everyone or not, TV volume go bye-bye. Besides. He has it on sports events 24-7. So yeah. Fuck 'im.

Of course, you know the bitching and shouting went on for about ten minutes, at least. Yeah, it was my own fault for messing with a huddled group of avid sports fans, but down the hall in the conference room, and upstairs in each of their rooms, the volume works perfectly fine. And the conference room TV is to be on 24-7 while one of our groups is in house. So it isn't like I lost the game for them.

Yeesh.

Seconds after this fiasco, a phone call comes in with a guy demanding to speak to the manager. It's still very noisy and crowded in our lobby, and the person on the phone wants to speak with the man in the "purple shirt." (WTF?) I swear, I kind of think he's calling from the lobby about the volume, but it turns out he's calling from a hotel the last shift walked him to.

When you have seven arrivals with no space for them (gee, thanks, sales), you have no choice but to walk them to another hotel that does have rooms. It's that or the couches in the lobby. I mean where else COULD you put them? Thankfully, kind of, last shift did that ahead of time for me. Walking someone angry when you are alone at the front desk is...well you'll see.

"I want to know why YOU put me in this FLEABAG MOTEL when you still have three guys coming in from my same group who haven't even gotten there yet!"
"Sir, we had no more space, and that was arranged by the last shift. Can I put you on the phone with him?"
"No. I am asking you why you put me over here when YOU told me you had a room. I want to speak with your manager right now."
"Sir, that's not possible, our manager leaves at 5 PM. Can I get you his contact information?"
"NO. I want YOU to tell me what the hell is going on! YOU! Put the manager on the phone right now!"
"Hold please."
"FINALLY. THANK YOU."

Oh my goodness. Well...technically the guy from the past shift is still signed in and is at the front desk...and he IS a day shift manager. So I ask him if he would like to speak with the guy. Or if I should just pick the phone back up and use a foreign accent. Or something.

Dude from last shift takes the call to the back and tells the guy to STFU. I am sincerely hoping he doesn't show up and get in my face. Sometimes they do that. No lie.

So next I'm counting the drawer to make sure we are correct, and we aren't, but it's close enough. I let the last shift go home after they tell me NO ONE ELSE is coming in and that we are completely squared and good to go for the night.

Then the arrivals that angry guy was talking about show up.

While trying to check them in I discover I can't, because even though last shift has left rooms for them, they have also pre-assigned other guests arriving tomorrow to those rooms. And the ones trying to check in are for multiple day stays. Yeah. Yeah, they got it all set up for me, dinnit they.

While I'm getting new arrivals their keys, a guy wants to buy a soda. I go to put his money in the drawer and get him change, and wind up having to short ourselves on change because the drawer WILL. NOT. OPEN. I try all the tricks I know, but something inside it is preventing it from opening. Joy. So I let the guy pay a little less for the sake of making him wait on me less, and come back to the drawer later.

When the fellas are checked in, and the lobby is quiet for two seconds, I go into the back to try and finally get my piercing retainer in (I have a couple of piercings the guests and my employers would rather not be obvious, but will close if I leave them out, and with a retainer in them they are pretty much invisible). I realize I've lost the ball to my actual piercing. It's the only one I have. New ones are expensive. I am broke. Getting your lip repierced is painful and even more expensive.

I come back out front and fuck with the cash register drawer. I finally manage to yank it open, and the reason it had been sticking was that one of the dividers was ever so slightly raised. I fix it so it won't happen again, then realize I can't slide it out ALL the way because all my fiddling has caused it to slip under itself in such a way that now the drawer itself is too high. I have to leave it open a crack so I'll be able to open it later in the night - but in trying to close it I realize I FUCKING CAN'T. Now the drawer is so fucked up I can't close it. I slide it half-shut and leave it there.

A guy comes down the elevator and wags his finger at me, saying he knows it was bullshit to turn off the TV volume and how I shouldn't be doing things like that. Then he asks if I can please get him a towel.

More flies with honey, jackass. Sure, I'll have that towel right out for you.

Dick.

When I get him the towel he decides he wants to buy some snacks from our snack area. I take his cash and try to get him change, but now the drawer won't budge open OR close - it's stuck half open. I squeeze out a couple of dollar bills and some change, and breathe out the biggest sigh of my life as soon as the elevator doors slide back closed again.

I reach into my bag for a xanax, because this all occurred in the first HOUR of my shift.



I have left my xanax at home.


Fuck.
My.
Life.


TGIF
-Wednesday

SEE! I'm NOT Nuts!!!

I definitely just checked out a guest who was the most awesomest guest ever. Okay, lots of them are really awesome, but this one was awesome in a truly unique way - he knew jaxlab!

Okay, let's start at the beginning! The AWESOME beginning!

He came down to check out, and to get directions to the airport. I immediately noticed that he smelled really, really, really good. No, I didn't wanna jump him. I just really liked the way he smelled. But that isn't something you can just come right out and say...

So I did anyways, of course. I asked if he was wearing a cologne, because it smelled lovely, and he said his kids pick out all his colognes. I laughed and said my fiance picks all mine out because I work with animals quite a bit and it sort of messes with your sense of smell. He asked if I was a bio major by any chance, and I explained that I was a micro major on hold, vet tech on the side to keep away the loan payments, but do most of my work in rescue - everything from mice to cats/dogs to livestock.

THEN HE SAID HE LOVED MICE.

Apparently he's a bio fella! So he works with mice a lot! I told him about how much I adored the Jackson Laboratory, and we started talking about it, and it's just...it's like...it's...

IT'S JUST REALLY FREAKIN' AWESOME OKAY.

:D

-Wednesday