So. BORED.

I left both my computer cord and my crocheting at home.

I filled the first two hours of work with work outrages, printing emails and attachments that I can't at home, and guests who pronounce "you" as "yew" and "hello" as "hah-looow??"  I spent about five minutes reading the printouts before I got bored of them and made a pretty stack of them instead.  Then I decided the stack was much too neat and the world needed a little chaos, so I threw them around the counter instead.

I pulled out the pregnancy books I've been meaning to read but haven't yet.  I apparently missed the last two months of pregnancy information.

Man, I sure hope I did it right...?

I got tired of the books and focusing my eyes in general about ten minutes in and decorated the stack of emails with them.  Much better.

I rode our exercise bike for 2.5 minutes before I decided that exercise was for wussies and if I was gone from the desk for longer thant 2.5 minutes I might miss something REALLY EXCITING.

I do not seem to have missed anything.

I eat pancakes.

I buy a soda.

The machine eats 10 cents.  I go to get my dime out of our stash of coins to give as refunds when such things happen.  Our stash is depleted.  I curse the soda machine gods.

I look up at the clock...4:30, YES!  Shit, no, I just suck at reading time.  3:30.  UGGGHHHHH.

I got on our guest computers and surfed, wrote a few emails, networked a bit, and checked my facebook.  I cautiously peeked through tumblr before deciding that the world is coming to an end if all people can post pictures of is duckfaces, pink hair, porn, and pictures of your legs in the bathtub.  I closed tumblr because I am A PROFESSIONAL AT WORK (ahuh).  I peeked in on twitter before deciding that I should follow more nocturnal folks.  A look at the clock.  3:40.

God.

Dammit.

I SIT ON THE COUCHES.  Nothing to do.  I play games on my phone.  I eat an apple.  I realize that my tenses during this entire post have been inconsistent.  I decide that if some omnipotent god really wanted/wants me to write properly he wouldn't have invented Blogger.  Also I don't need rules.  I live in anarchy, bitches.

I spend a little while writing this, examining my shoes, playing music from youtube on aforementioned guest computer, thinking about fishing, googling for pictures of people with boards on their heads, updating my google calendar with all the stuff I plan to do some other day, and reading some dude's blog.

I look down at the computer's clock.

5:55!!  ALRIGHT!  COWABUNGA DUDE!

Wait, that can't be right, our newspapers aren't even here yet.

*Checks phone*

Crap.  Nobody adjusted this thing for daylight savings time.  It's really 4:55.

Whatever, close enough.  I'm going to go put out breakfast REALLY SLOWLY and possibly build something out of apples, coffee filters, and plastic cups.

-Wednesday

A Letter.

While idly checking out the traffic sources for the blog this morning, I came across something unique (I hope) that warranted a response.  Ahem.

Dear Reader who found this blog via the search term: "How to roofie cookies,"

     Congratulations, sir or madam!  You made my jaw drop, and my day.  While I cannot endorse your efforts, I hope the morning finds you and your special friend well, and best of luck with the charges.  Don't forget to make a batch for the judge.


Never, ever, ever yours (because I am never eating anything you bake),
Wednesday



P.S. - Some other incredible search terms leading disappointed readers to the LOL Hotel:
     - "Show couple fucking in bathroom" (whoops)
     - "motels have porn" (why yes, yes they do)
     - "the evenings because" (?)
     - "expedia 'no confirmation number'" (yeah...so much for their guarantees, right?)

Just Turn Up the Heat.

Person comes down elevator...I think this is how all of my stories start.

Wait, let me try again.



Person arrives on a clinically insane giraffe, and asks for some sheets and a couple of towels. So I go grab them some. Then this happens:



"Wait, okay there are sheets here, but do you have one of those, uh, covers? Do you have any covers?"

"Sure, let me go grab you some." (I have to maneuver through a housekeeping maze to get the covers that go on top of sheets, but I manage it) "Here you go."

"No, that's like, how do I say this... I want covers. Like you pull up when it's cold? *makes a blanket motion up to chin* Like you cover up with when you are cold."

"A...blanket?"

"YES! A blanket."

"There should be one in the top of your closet-"

"No, I looked there. I did look."

"Okay, that's fine, let me go grab you one from the back." (I take the covers back and bring out a blanket, our only other bed-stuff we have besides pillows) "Here you are."

"Um, no... I guess I don't really know how to say this, we need a cover..."

"This is the only other sort of blanket we have, will it do?"

"..................I guess it's better than nothing."



I... have absolutely no idea what they had in mind. I am so confused. O_O

-Wednesday

...It IS Friday, isn't it?

You know how a little while back I walked the halls with my eyes closed while delivering bills and newspapers?

Well, today was walk-the-halls-like-I'm-America's-Next-Top-Model.  I did my little turn on the catwalk.  On the catwalk.  On the catwalk.  Yeah, I did my little turn on the catwalk.

Next time I think it shall be walk-the-halls-like-I'm-lost, or walk-the-halls-like-I'm-in-a-rainstorm-with-hurricane-force-winds-and-a-broken-umbrella.  I don't want to know what anyone who might be peeking out their peepholes must think when I tango/gallop/meander by.

But why the hell would they be looking out their peepholes in the middle of the night?

MAYBE THEY WERE CURIOUS WHAT THE GIRL OUTSIDE THEIR DOOR WAS DOING SHAKIN' IT LIKE FLASHDANCE.

That picture has absolutely nothing to do with what I was talking about.

ANYWAYS - it's Friday...and nothing bad has happened yet.  That's right, Fate, consider yourself tempted.  Of course, there's much more of Friday yet to come.

Maybe the universe is doing this to me because it knows it's just as bad to make me expect something horrible all day long and not know when it's coming.  It knows I will spend my Friday in fear.  Well, not all of Friday, I'm going to be going to sleep in a couple of hours.


Suck it, Fate.

-Wednesday
(I think I'm tired again)

Can She Do It?!

I know all of you have been wondering about whether or not I can walk down the second floor hallway with my eyes shut the whole way.

The answer to this perplexing life question is - yes I can.


Some of you may be thinking to yourselves - that's crazy.  How can she know when she reaches the end?  She'd go right through the window!

The answer to THAT perplexing life question is - that I peeked.  Really, it was more like I walked about 50% of the hallway with my eyes shut and the other half with them open.  It's cheating, I know.  But you can't judge.  Because I don't see any of YOU walking down the whole LOL Hotel hallway with your eyes closed.

I can't see anything, in fact.  Because my eyes are closed RIGHT NOW.  Now they aren't.

And that's called spell-checking.  Spell-checking with your eyes closed is just freaking stupid.


-Wednesday (who thinks she has a mild fever)

This is a lame...

...excuse for a post...but it seemed like it'd been awhile.  Actually I was going to write about Thanksgiving, which was epic in its weirdness, but this is just as good, right?

Maybe I'll get around to writing about Turkey Day later, but I'm half-assing everything this week in an effort to put some kind of focus into my finals (which are due tonight!  Yipes!)

See ya!
-Wednesday

Too funny

From here.  Hiiiighly recommended.  :)

-Wednesday

Caffeine Emergencies

When is it safe to stop chugging your end-of-shift, I'm-tired-as-hell-and-ready-to-go-home, emergency coffee?  When:

• You're certain your "smile" actually looks like a real smile to guests, and not a sleepy grimace involving only muscles in the lower half of your face.
• You're certain you even smiled.
• You can look at guests and coworkers and respond to seeing them in less than 3 seconds.
• You regain basic motor functions that don't relate to the cup or coffee machine.
• Thoughts cross your mind that don't involve the terms "bed," "sleeeeep," or swear words that aren't real (e.g. crap-monkeys, foopers, god-drangit).
• You have a heart attack.  You should probably put down the coffee if you have a heart attack.

-Wednesday