Maybe They Wanted Us to Wonder

So, this past weekend was EXTREMELY busy. Which meant we were packed full of very strange people. Some of whom did very strange things. Such as the car who parked in front of our hotel for an hour but never got out. EVER. Observe:

For those of you who can't read my napkin-font, a transcript:

Bossman: There is a guest here for you. (Looks like Calvin)
Me: Yeah.

(Half an hour later)
Bossman: Why are they still there? (Looks like a douche)
Me: I don't know.
Bossman: One is moving his arm around funny.

(Half an hour LATER)
Me: We should throw eggs at them.
Bossman: YES. (Looks like a lesbian. I can't draw my bossman.)



I really can draw. I just have this style. From a long time ago. But I can actually draw. HUSH.


Also, around 6:45 AM in the morning a man came down the elevator, walked all around our breakfast area, through the lobby (I almost typed that "blobby," which is way cooler), outside, back inside, and back upstairs, all while rubbing an electric razor all over his face-hair.

Yeah.

Think about that next time you have a continental breakfast.


-Wednesday

Gettin' Some Valuable Feedback Over Here

"WELP. Feels like they turned the AC off, so I'd better head to bed." (We didn't)
"My room was FREEZING last night!"
"Well the thing is - the bed is exactly between the unit and the thermostat. So you have to carefully calculate the optimum temperature before gettin' into bed."
"Yeah, because the AC is RIGHT ON the bed!"
"Right on the bed."
"That was the good thing about the handicapped room - you had some distance between the bed and the AC unit."

Huh. Good ta know. *Scribbles notes*



Few minutes later...

"They make ya a waffle?"
"Tell you what, that was the best damn waffle ya ever had, because ya didn't have to make it!"
"SERIOUSLY, it was PERFECTION!"

*Scribble scribble*



Few minutes later, on their way to the elevators...

"I Cee Lo Green you."
"I Cee Lo F you."



People are basically awesome.
-Wednesday

Teenage Boys Should Not Exist

Somebody's mothers should have beat them upside the face with bars of soap. Seriously.

Four teenage guys come in and walk toward the elevator. A truly deafening stream of profanity gushes from their mouths until the doors close. They return a few minutes later and head toward our food and drink while one friend branches off and walks down the hallway.


Asshole #1: How much is a sandwich?
Me: $8.50 before tax.
Asshole #1: *Jaw drops* EIGHT FIFTY?! *turns to friends* EIGHT FUCKING FIFTY for a FUCKING SANDWICH.
Me: We make them personally - they don't come pre-made.
Asshole #2: *saunters up to counter* Are the sandwiches REALLY $8.50?
Me: Yes...we make them here... *shows menu*
Asshole #2: EIGHT FIFTY. Jesus fucking Christ.
Asshole #1: EIGHT FUCKIN' FIFTY!
Me: Yes. $8.50.
Asshole #3: Can I buy this drink?
Me: I can only take in cash at the moment, is that alright? (I was running close day) It's $2.17
*Asshole #1 & 2 are still bickering about the sandwich and staring in awe at the menu*
Asshole #3: Yeah, that's fine. *Pays $2.25* Keep the change.
Me: Thank you...
Asshole #1: Is there like...a dollar menu? HUR HUR HUR HUR!
Asshole #2: HUR HUR HUR HUR HUR. #*^$*#$*#*^%!@
Me: No.
Asshole #1: Look, bro, fuckin' appetizers! I didn't think of appetizers. (wtf?)
Asshole #2: Oh, bro, you can get a fuckin' 8 inch pizza for 8 bucks!
Asshole #1: 8 inches for 8 dollars?
Asshole #2: BRO THAT'S LIKE A STRIPPER DEAL HUR HUR HUR
Asshole #1: HUR HUR HUR HUR HUR. &^%!$*%@$#%$^%!
Asshole #4: *Returns from down hallway* BRO! THERE'S NO ONE IN THE POOL!!!
Me: *mentally - The fuckin' pool fuckin' closes at fuckin' 10 o' fuckin' clock fuckers*

*All go off to play in the pool*



TGI...W...
Ya know, at least I got a TON of free food today because sorority girls didn't eat everything they ordered. Yeah, I could throw it away...or I could eat for a week. Jeez. Was I this awful five years ago?



-Wednesday
(Has had enough of people under 30 years of mental age for this week. Form line at door and shut mouths.)

(Then again...the guy who just complained to me about our lack of vending machines, lack of ice machines on every single floor, and cost of our WATER BOTTLES had to have been at least 40.)

(Just fuck all you guests who can't behave like normal human beings in public.)

The Mirror Was There the Whole Time

This week in house we have...sorority chicks. And a small handful of older people who should by all logic be happy about this fact, but in reality are NOT.

(No sir, there is no ice machine on your floor, and there is also nothing I can do about that. Yes, that means you have to walk down a whole floor and all the way down the hallway for ice. No, I can't do anything about that, really, I can't. I understand you want TV, but there are no other rooms for me to switch you to. If you would like a discount I would definitely recommend speaking with our GM after 8 AM. Yes, I do understand 8 AM is not tonight. What? The thing I told you to do fixed the TV and you aren't angry anymore? Uh huh. Goodnight, sir.)

My opinion of them flip flops. On one hand, they hate paying for things. A lot. On the other hand, they ARE polite every time they speak with you, and that's really saying something. ANYWAYS.

Back to my original story!


Elevator goes up to the second floor. Elevator comes down. Doors open up, and there's a girl in a Greek shirt, fixing her makeup in the mirrored wall. The elevator door closes (as it does each time it comes down after opening), and then...

The elevator goes back up to the second floor and returns empty.


Yeah.

She'll do just fine in college.


-Wednesday