Actually, "Burnt Cookies" is the name of a webcomic I sincerely, desperately wished I'd gotten around to. Of all the things ADD has allowed me to start, and that I've dropped the ball on finishing, that one's the worst. The writer was awesome and the storyline and boards rocked, I just never took anything beyond a sketch. Saaaad. But that's not what this is about.
Actually, I just burned a cookie.
Normally our cookies are our very bestest thing here. They're heaven. Scrumptious. Today, though, when I came into work our cookies were replaced by...lumps...of things that might be called cookies...in some other dimension.
They looked like oatmeal, possibly? I had to try one, because I needed to know what to tell people when they asked what kind of cookie they were. Plus there were tons of them anyways. So I tried one, but it was cold. So I microwaved it.
30 seconds is safe, right?
Everything certainly sounded like it was safe...the microwave beeped, and I opened it, prepared to cautiously touch a potentially hot molten "cookie."
POOF!
I disappear like a magician in a cloud of smoke. I peer up through the haze and see a smoke detector on the wall. Crap! I try to fan the door, but the door won't budge. What's it stuck on? NO TIME! I start running maniacally back and forth through the doorway trying to fan the smoke out of the room and disperse it. It smells like burned peanut butter and poo.
POO.
I still haven't gotten my damned cookie, having had to close the door to the microwave quickly to seal in the smoke. I make the foolish, rookie mistake of trying to open it fast enough to grab my treat. I NEED to see if it's a charcoal brick or not. Call it Science.
This releases another giant puff of smoke, so I resort to breathing in deeply, running to the hallway and blowing out, lather-rinse-repeat. In the midst of hyperventilating, I remember my cookie, make one last attempt at grabbing it and, noting that the world hasn't ended yet, retreat to the lobby to enjoy it.
Oddly enough, only the VERY CENTER of the cookie is burned. The outsides, top, and bottom are fine, though they do NOT taste like deliciousness. They taste like peanut butter and possibly nuts.
No fire alarms, just massive cookie-disappointment.
Fuck you, cookie.
-Wednesday
P.S. - What do you do when you have to answer the ringing phone, but you have to sneeze REALLY bad? ...You talk in a funny voice, that's what. -.-
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Friday, February 4, 2011
Snoooowwww
It does not snow here at the LOL Hotel. If someone were to call and ask if it snowed around here, one would say no. No snow.
But the past few years have seen a few snow days, light as they may be. Tonight was one such night!
For the record, if you happen to be parked at the LOL Hotel when it snows, you may very well have the snow on the hood of your car photographed next to the night auditor's goofy mug.
That same night auditor may become very embarrassed when the local newspaper delivery fellows arrives and catches her taking pictures like a tourist. XD
So anyhoo!
This fellow comes down the elevator and is looking for the USA Todays. Unfortunately, they and the other national newspaper weren't delivered today. One assumes the unusual snow is to blame, so I mentioned that we could get him a local paper, but that the others didn't come due to the weather.
The fellow loses his cool, as so many people are apt to do before 8 AM. He flings his arm toward the doors and exclaims:
"SNOW? You call THAT snow?? That's FROST. You have no idea what snow is (wtf?)! I'm from Colorado where it snows A FOOT AND A HALF A NIGHT. A little frost on the ground and you guys completely shut down!"
He didn't raise his voice much, but he continued to bitch and complain until he reached the elevator. The woman who was ACTUALLY working (I was off shift at this point and quite irked with being chewed out while not being paid) tried to calm him by joking back about how crazy it was that locals called THIS snow, but the man wasn't having it. He stomped back into the elevator and returned grumpily to his room, hopefully to read the damned paper online.
I like my job, otherwise my response might have been something closer to:
"Oh, pardon me, sir! Let me call the newspaper and have them bring you one right away! I'm sorry, I guess I shouldn't have called the paper man and told him not to bring any today. I'm also EXTREMELY sorry that I had the WHOLE city shut down to inconvenience you - my bad."
Seriously...people without their coffee do not grasp basic concepts of blame. XD Like how the night auditor probably isn't at fault for a warm city's response to a few inches of snow. A city that was 70 degrees a few days ago, and will be back in the 50s by the weekend. I understand that people from cold climates feel quite superior (and I use "understand" loosely, pride is one thing, but I'm not sure how dealing with snow more often makes you tougher than everyone who is currently south of you), but if you're that crazy over a newspaper, maybe you should go back to your room and chug some caffeine!
Let's go! Chop chop! Coffee doesn't quit just because it's cold outside!
-Wednesday
But the past few years have seen a few snow days, light as they may be. Tonight was one such night!
For the record, if you happen to be parked at the LOL Hotel when it snows, you may very well have the snow on the hood of your car photographed next to the night auditor's goofy mug.
That same night auditor may become very embarrassed when the local newspaper delivery fellows arrives and catches her taking pictures like a tourist. XD
So anyhoo!
This fellow comes down the elevator and is looking for the USA Todays. Unfortunately, they and the other national newspaper weren't delivered today. One assumes the unusual snow is to blame, so I mentioned that we could get him a local paper, but that the others didn't come due to the weather.
The fellow loses his cool, as so many people are apt to do before 8 AM. He flings his arm toward the doors and exclaims:
"SNOW? You call THAT snow?? That's FROST. You have no idea what snow is (wtf?)! I'm from Colorado where it snows A FOOT AND A HALF A NIGHT. A little frost on the ground and you guys completely shut down!"
He didn't raise his voice much, but he continued to bitch and complain until he reached the elevator. The woman who was ACTUALLY working (I was off shift at this point and quite irked with being chewed out while not being paid) tried to calm him by joking back about how crazy it was that locals called THIS snow, but the man wasn't having it. He stomped back into the elevator and returned grumpily to his room, hopefully to read the damned paper online.
I like my job, otherwise my response might have been something closer to:
"Oh, pardon me, sir! Let me call the newspaper and have them bring you one right away! I'm sorry, I guess I shouldn't have called the paper man and told him not to bring any today. I'm also EXTREMELY sorry that I had the WHOLE city shut down to inconvenience you - my bad."
Seriously...people without their coffee do not grasp basic concepts of blame. XD Like how the night auditor probably isn't at fault for a warm city's response to a few inches of snow. A city that was 70 degrees a few days ago, and will be back in the 50s by the weekend. I understand that people from cold climates feel quite superior (and I use "understand" loosely, pride is one thing, but I'm not sure how dealing with snow more often makes you tougher than everyone who is currently south of you), but if you're that crazy over a newspaper, maybe you should go back to your room and chug some caffeine!
Let's go! Chop chop! Coffee doesn't quit just because it's cold outside!
-Wednesday
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Brrrrr!
So it's that big wintery storm, right? Pretty gosh-darned cold out there. So cold and sudden, in fact, that we had a hard freeze warning while it was still 70 degrees outside. Now it's 20 degrees, and let me tell you... it's cold.
Texas has no idea how to handle that much cold. We get days like this a few times a year, but it's always a shocker and we just have trouble going from 70 to 20 in the span of a few hours. Call it a flaw.
Of course, our lobby heater has no clue about what's going on outside. Or maybe it does! Every now and then, on the very coldest days, when it senses it is MOST needed, the heater will break.
Maybe not completely, or maybe it's the abundance of other heaters keeping the lobby in the 60s, but when this occurs I have no shot at achieving the typical low-seventies of your average LOL Hotel lobby environment.
It's. 20. Degrees outside.
Normally I get around such silly heaterish mishaps by ducking into the back office area, where the heater is usually turned WAY up to compensate and I can thaw out. Of course, today, this is not so. It's not exactly freezing back there, but the heater won't warm up more, either.
My other trick for staying warm? When my fingers freeze up and it hurts to type, I pop open the little, perpetually-on oven and - no lie - stick my hands inside. It's nice. Like sticking your head in the freezer on a hot, summer day, but in reverse.
Guess what's broken?
-Wednesday
Texas has no idea how to handle that much cold. We get days like this a few times a year, but it's always a shocker and we just have trouble going from 70 to 20 in the span of a few hours. Call it a flaw.
Of course, our lobby heater has no clue about what's going on outside. Or maybe it does! Every now and then, on the very coldest days, when it senses it is MOST needed, the heater will break.
Maybe not completely, or maybe it's the abundance of other heaters keeping the lobby in the 60s, but when this occurs I have no shot at achieving the typical low-seventies of your average LOL Hotel lobby environment.
It's. 20. Degrees outside.
Normally I get around such silly heaterish mishaps by ducking into the back office area, where the heater is usually turned WAY up to compensate and I can thaw out. Of course, today, this is not so. It's not exactly freezing back there, but the heater won't warm up more, either.
My other trick for staying warm? When my fingers freeze up and it hurts to type, I pop open the little, perpetually-on oven and - no lie - stick my hands inside. It's nice. Like sticking your head in the freezer on a hot, summer day, but in reverse.
Guess what's broken?
"ERROR
Heater Failure
Allow Oven to Cool"
-Wednesday
Friday, January 28, 2011
Grah Is an Anagram of Argh.
Well. Last night we had only 33% occupancy. I should have learned to better appreciate that, because tonight we had 99%. Technically it was supposed to be 100%...but weird things happened.
The last shift had two leftover arrivals but only one room, so they booked the last room for the person who was a part of a group. Unfortunately, the other person was the one who came in for them, and they walked her and sent her to another hotel. Well...that person who had the room never even came in, and a fellow wound up calling me at midnight or so to ask if the walked lady could be compensated, get the room free, something like that. He intimated that she was extremely upset with the situation. Awesome. Of course, there isn't much I can do about it, so I asked him to call sales about it after 7 in the morning and that they'd let him know if there was anything they could do to make it right. Le sigh. At least I didn't have to speak with her directly! :)
So we have one free room, but there's no telling for sure until 3 AM or so. People have been known to go to the bars first, and check in after 2 when they close. So at 1 AM when a fairly rude fella walks in, whips out his credit card, and demands a king room, I told 'im we were completely booked up. He makes a face like someone just told him the moon wasn't made of cheese, and stomped back out to his great, big hummer. He pauses halfway out, turns around, points his finger at me and informs me that there aren't that many cars in the parking lot. He was driving off before I got to tell mooncheese man that they came in a bus.
Oh, and our bank's off by some 60 or so bucks...under, that is. It was 100 when I started, which blew everyone's minds until the last shift realized they'd accidentally deposited a check's amount AND the check...leaving us quite short. Ah well, at least the money's there. Just not in the cash register. Fridays, man, I'm tellin' ya.
Last thing - it turns out I should NOT have waited this long to do audit, because on Fridays here at the LOL Hotel, Murphy's Law runs rampant. Right as I get started on close day...our system breaks and I have to call support. I get a guy on the phone with a speech impediment, who my boss had actually warned me was not a very nice fella.
I only briefly considered hanging up and calling back before I sucked it up and explained my problem.
Only it took me forever to explain it, because every time he asked a question I had to ask him to repeat it, citing the "bad connection." Couldn't be more awkward? Oh, but it is.
He takes over the computer remotely and starts fiddling with it, then tells me to go ahead and close day, but to leave the connection open. He says he's going to let me close it, then take over again once it's done and figure out what the problem is. I say okay, but it does take it a few minutes to run. (Should I get off the phone or does he want me to stay on the line?) ...He says okay? I say okay, sounds good. Then...silence.
I have no idea if I'm supposed to hang up or not, so I leave the phone on just in case. I hear silence and a few key strokes in the background. I hear this for a good 30-60 seconds (time flies when in excruciating awkwardness, so I don't have an exact number for ya!) before *click!*
Wow.
Yeah...you read right - it just got all kindsa more awkward up in here.
All I can say is - TGIF!
-Wednesday
The last shift had two leftover arrivals but only one room, so they booked the last room for the person who was a part of a group. Unfortunately, the other person was the one who came in for them, and they walked her and sent her to another hotel. Well...that person who had the room never even came in, and a fellow wound up calling me at midnight or so to ask if the walked lady could be compensated, get the room free, something like that. He intimated that she was extremely upset with the situation. Awesome. Of course, there isn't much I can do about it, so I asked him to call sales about it after 7 in the morning and that they'd let him know if there was anything they could do to make it right. Le sigh. At least I didn't have to speak with her directly! :)
So we have one free room, but there's no telling for sure until 3 AM or so. People have been known to go to the bars first, and check in after 2 when they close. So at 1 AM when a fairly rude fella walks in, whips out his credit card, and demands a king room, I told 'im we were completely booked up. He makes a face like someone just told him the moon wasn't made of cheese, and stomped back out to his great, big hummer. He pauses halfway out, turns around, points his finger at me and informs me that there aren't that many cars in the parking lot. He was driving off before I got to tell mooncheese man that they came in a bus.
Oh, and our bank's off by some 60 or so bucks...under, that is. It was 100 when I started, which blew everyone's minds until the last shift realized they'd accidentally deposited a check's amount AND the check...leaving us quite short. Ah well, at least the money's there. Just not in the cash register. Fridays, man, I'm tellin' ya.
Last thing - it turns out I should NOT have waited this long to do audit, because on Fridays here at the LOL Hotel, Murphy's Law runs rampant. Right as I get started on close day...our system breaks and I have to call support. I get a guy on the phone with a speech impediment, who my boss had actually warned me was not a very nice fella.
I only briefly considered hanging up and calling back before I sucked it up and explained my problem.
Only it took me forever to explain it, because every time he asked a question I had to ask him to repeat it, citing the "bad connection." Couldn't be more awkward? Oh, but it is.
He takes over the computer remotely and starts fiddling with it, then tells me to go ahead and close day, but to leave the connection open. He says he's going to let me close it, then take over again once it's done and figure out what the problem is. I say okay, but it does take it a few minutes to run. (Should I get off the phone or does he want me to stay on the line?) ...He says okay? I say okay, sounds good. Then...silence.
I have no idea if I'm supposed to hang up or not, so I leave the phone on just in case. I hear silence and a few key strokes in the background. I hear this for a good 30-60 seconds (time flies when in excruciating awkwardness, so I don't have an exact number for ya!) before *click!*
Wow.
Yeah...you read right - it just got all kindsa more awkward up in here.
All I can say is - TGIF!
-Wednesday
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